


maybe we can meet again somewhere, somewhere far away from here

by orphan_account



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Song fic, ill add more characters and tags as they come up i guess, neil doesn't always like have to die, that's just like the first chapter tho, this isn't narratively consistent because i dont always want them to be sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 1959-01-08
Updated: 1959-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:27:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22170286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: you ever make a private playlist on spotify just to grieve the relationship lost between two characters? me too.
Relationships: Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	maybe we can meet again somewhere, somewhere far away from here

**Author's Note:**

> this one goes out to one direction.... thanks for moments that shit hit different in 2011 gotta say  
> also we starting out mad sad, watch out

The world was already too quiet, the latch of the door sounding through his skull like a bullet, the sun, though dull in the winter air, felt like needles in his eyes, and his chest ached.

He glanced up, almost expecting Neil to be on his side of the bed studying his script, or taking a nap , but instead he was met with an empty bed. All he wanted was to lay next to Neil again, touch his jaw, like they used to, when their hearts would match erratic beats and Todd would tremble from the gentlest of touches. He just wanted to be with him.

Neil had only been with him for a little less than a semester, and Todd couldn’t handle the loss. His chest ached, and the tears ran down his cheeks, hot and nonstop, back against the door as he slid down, hiding his face in his knees as the grief took him.

If he could only turn back time, make it better, make it all worth it, love Neil right. His love had vanished, and Todd’s heart and lungs felt as if they might collapse.

He’d never found the words to say it all. And now he never could.

He imagined dinner, sitting across from an empty spot, seeing the others, being reminded, being seen. He couldn’t do it, he knew he couldn’t, head foggy like the sunset out the window.

There was a scream in his throat, but it was held back by the silent sobs that wracked his body, voice numb, and it was all so much harder, every word that he’d wanted so bad to tell Neil, all the “I love you”’s, all the little habits he’d wanted to comment on, tell Neil he loved, try and express to him in any way he could the love he carried for him, touch him, kiss him. He’d never initiated anything, too afraid, always scared.

The sun had set, and Todd couldn’t seem to move from where he’d planted himself, breathless and dehydrated, sobbing though the tears weren’t coming, shaking more than ever, trying to remember the lights of the stage illuminating Neil, going back to when he had everything he wanted, back to the soccer game, to tackling Neil when they won, to holding him, to his clothes at the end of Neil’s bed, curled up together, Neil running his fingers through Todd’s hair and touching his cheek as he feigned sleep.

Finally, with a wipe to his cheeks, he stood, trying his hardest to gather himself, before carefully sneaking into the corridor and out to the ledge they’d stood on, where Neil had had him throw the desk set, to the moment Todd had realized how in love he really was. He stood silently, looking out into the night air, the chill biting at him but he could hardly feel anything but the numbness in his toes and the phantom laugh he heard in his head, a laugh he would never hear again.

He remembered everything.

He knew he always would.

A bitter laugh left his mouth, eyebrows drawn in, standing far too close to the edge.

It’s not like there was anyone left to stop him.


End file.
